Restart

For some reason, I'm back at this blog. I'm ashamed for having left it alone for so long. And yet, there is a question that niggles in the back of my mind. Why blog? Who will read? Who will care? 

I'm afraid of posting boring drivel. Last night in a dream, a publisher told me that I needed to 'pick up my game'. I was too sentimental - not 'edgy' enough. So, now, a bit of self-examination. Probably more than a little apprehension setting in. 

Time is often an issue, since I have multiple of passions vying for my attention. My definition of passion: strong enthusiasm for something that seemingly makes time stand still. If you are engaged in a passion, the clock has no effect. Before you know it, lunch has long since passed, it's time to think about making dinner, but you wish someone would lay out a nice meal for you instead (and if you think on it hard enough or ignore it long enough, maybe someone will - but don't hold your breath. Just sayin'). 

On any given day, I can be found in the garden, at my computer, my musical instruments or my easel. Which generates a serendipitous thought: if my definition of passion is true, if engaging in passions renders time inconsequential, perhaps I will be so occupied through eternity, where time is no more. How lovely! Meanwhile, here on earth...in space and time, it's another matter. Every day has only twenty-four hours, each week seven days. Deadlines loom, schedules must be adhered to.

You see my dilemma. Besides travelling, family, volunteering and day-to-day chores, I have all of these passions tugging at me. I've thought of labelling days - as does my husband. He has Mundane Monday (chores), Toy Tuesday (hobbies), Water Wednesday (RC boats), Thrifty Thursday (bargain hunting), Fun Friday (outings, whatever). And then, oh look! - it's the weekend:)

Perhaps this could be my week: Music Monday,  Task Tuesday (chores), Water Color Wednesday, Tending Thursday (garden, family, friends), Fun Friday (as above). Writing can't be done in just one day, so it would have to be integrated into each day - preferably for a minimum of two hours. Of course one also cannot tend garden one day in the week, as it's so weather-dependant. So perhaps one hour a day in the garden. I doubt I could stay at my tasks for a full day, or even get them done in one whole day, especially with special tasks like cleaning the fridge and washing windows thrown into the mix. 

Back to the drawing board. 

Procrastination and Motivation

I know it sounds silly, but I dressed up this morning, just to sit at my desk and write.

Many a writer's life is plagued with procrastination. Taking a Creative Writing class at Regent, I listened as Maxine Hancock told us this would happen.  We'd do anything to avoid getting our butts in the chair and our fingers onto our pens or computers. I was skeptical then; now I know this to be more true than I would like to admit.

This morning I spent a few hours putting my unruly garden in its place. Deadheading perennials, edging runaway boundaries, pulling endless clover and misplaced grass. When I decided it was time to go inside and get ready for my writing day, I showered and decided to dress professionally, even though I was staying home.

I had just settled myself at my desk when a vehicle drove up - a friend popping by for a few minutes.  When I greeted her at the door, she asked if I was going out. She was puzzled by my 'casual business' attire, and wondered why I would dress this way at home. I supposed it must seem rather bizarre.  I've read Anne Lamott's descriptions of her sweat pants and T-shirt days, which must make business professional somewhat envious now and then. Once in awhile, though, I am motivated by 'getting ready' for work. Some days, dressing like a professional makes me feel like a professional (not to mention that a mid-calf jersey skirt is actually comfortable and good garden wear, should I move outside).

At the Write! Vancouver conference last weekend, we were all made to repeat, aloud, a number of times, "I am a writer". Even though I've been writing for years (I won a song lyrics contest in grade 7) and have been published over the last two, I still often don't consider myself to be one. The title 'Writer' seems so lofty and abstract somehow. Still, that's what I am.

So if you ever stop by on a weekday and I look a little over dressed for what I do, don't pay me any mind. I'm just trying to 'get in the groove'.

Three Things (Part 1)

Inspiration by itself does not produce results.  Nor does the combination of inspiration and insight, although one might argue that those two in combination can possibly improve someone's character.  But as we pursue excellence in our dreams and passions, a third element is necessary. To be diligent is to be focused and intentional.  Diligence requires self discipline, for when it comes to being successful at our work or play, who else can we discipline (unless parenting is our focus, but that's a subject in it's own right). 

Diligence is the steadfast application of ourselves to the task at hand.  Basically, it's good old-fashioned hard work.  In a culture where instant gratification is the norm, we are often left with a deflated enthusiasm for the time required to produce excellent results.  The drive to be diligent - our energy - is largely fueled by inspiration, whereas our method is produced by insight.

Great leaders who were met at every turn by opposition or desolation, yet refused to give up, were somehow inspired to keep going.  Think of William Wilberforce, Martin Luther King Jr., Winston Churchill, and Eva Peron.  Their influential actions changed the world, bringing dignity to an oppressed and enslaved humanity.

Mother Theresa, one of the greatest role models of diligence in our time struggled deeply with depression and feelings of Divine abandonment, yet continued her work with relentless focus, courage and energy.  In times of doubt and loneliness, sheer determination drove her forward - determination to be true to God's calling in her life.  Perhaps it was her vision to accomplish one small deed at a time, rather than great, sweeping successes that gave her the ability to move one foot before the other, over and over.  This kind of diligence is difficult to understand; there is no instant gratification in it - yet its results generate a new cycle of inspiration, insight and diligence. 


“I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.”
― Mother Teresa

Lost in Time

There are two activities - OK, maybe three - that for me, are all-absorbing.

The first is gardening.  If I have appointments lined up, or a long 'to do' list, I'd best not head out for a walkabout.  No telling where it will lead.  Suddenly, I am lost in this separate world, oblivious to responsibility as I weed, plant, transplant, clip, rake and hoe. As for many people, the physical work and being in a natural setting gives me time to ponder.  This is where I turn over dirt, turn over concepts and ideas.

The second activity is writing - either words or music.  Hours spent in research feeds my ever-curious mind and deep desire to learn new things.  It is such a privilege to interview ordinary people who have done great things. Their passion is inspiring.

Crafting and honing a piece that flows well invites the reader in.  Going back over and over to find just the right words or notes to convey the intent of the piece - playing, arranging, rearranging - this is a (mostly) joyous task!

Coming in third is art - drawing, painting - but I won't say too much about this since I'm still a  novice, and may always be.  I have a friend whose artistic talent I admire and who has made me realize how much time, hard work and focus are necessary to do good work.

But for now, I must get out and clean up some of winter's debris amongst my perennials!