Earlier this year, I blogged about having pride in our kids - pride that comes naturally for parents.
I remember my dad being proud of his daughters, making it known that he could farm with his two daughters just as well as any man with sons (maybe his biases skewed his perception just a bit...). We have a number of friends whose kids have worked in the family business, which must be a good feeling - sharing knowledge, goals, looking at ways to move the company into the next phase or change, building together. We are naturally pleased when our kids follow in our
footsteps, choosing to emulate us in their job or profession.
Growing up, I knew a large family whose kids all became either pastors, doctors, nurses or professors, most of them taking on a missionary stint in Africa or other developing country. To the last one, they were kind and compassionate, displaying none of the arrogance we often associate with highly successful people. I wondered what conversations around their supper table must have been like. While we were talking about the best way to avoid scours (diarrhea) in newborn calves, they were likely discussing the latest medical breakthrough and the impact it would have on those who might benefit - or perhaps debating a difficult theological problem. As years passed, my respect for this family only grew - parallel to their accomplishments which truly benefited people in countless ways. It's enough to make most of us just a bit envious.
What constitutes success? Is it our education? Our accomplishments? Our status? Our wealth? Our health? Our fame?
Throughout history, people who lived what we call a 'full' life - who made a difference somewhere, were people who listened to their heart. They leaned in to their potential. (What is our potential, if not who we were created to be?) Instead of emulating someone else, they discovered who they really were, and developed that person. They responded to their own specific calling. Isn't that a worthy task for each of us? To find and follow the passion and gifts that lie inside of us?
I recall walking through the Alexander Graham Bell Museum in Baddeck, Nova Scotia some years ago. Meandering through the displays, reading about this extraordinary man completely mesmerized me. This was a man whose greatest passion lay in compassion for people and discovering new ways of communicating, especially related to the hearing impaired. He was too busy working out his new ideas to worry about the financial rewards of his labor. He handed his telephone company, Ma Bell, over to his wife, which made her a very wealthy woman. He didn't work for fame; he cared deeply about people and used his inquisitive and creative mind to follow his heart. You can almost imagine the neighbors shaking their heads and saying things like, "Why isn't that man out making a decent living? Imagine just staying in that workshop every day! What will all his experimentation get him?" Still he forged ahead. His calling was greater than his desire for approval.
None of our kids have followed in our footsteps in terms of education or career. None of our kids has remained in the family business. None of our kids has status or wealth. None of our kids have achieved fame. What they have done is followed their hearts, and let God guide them to their best life...in an ongoing journey. Each is being true to his/her own calling (each very different from their siblings) - and yet each one exerts positive influence in the lives of others; of that I have no doubt. I know this, in part, because they influence me.
I don't expect, or even desire that our kids be like us. My hope and joy comes in seeing them find and follow their specific passion, working to develop their talents and gifts, even when it's hard and demands sacrifice. That they do so with integrity - continuing always to follow God's best for them - not for someone else. Envying someone else's place in life is a sure path to failure and defeat.
Accepting who we are, discovering our potential and then striving to be our best is one of the key ingredients to wholeness. When our children (and grandchildren) learn through success and through failure - in the confidence they are unique individuals who have a unique place in this world, I'm in their corner. My heart is instilled with respect and yes, even pride.